The anxiety of the freezer stash

I’ve been doing this work long enough to know that although the mechanics of breastfeeding stay constant, what changes is our understanding of breastfeeding and the culture that surrounds it. 

Today, I’m talking about our (largely U.S. based) cultural obsession with pumping breast milk. This is a fairly new phenomenon. 25 years ago we did not have easy access to high-quality electric pumps, let alone all the gadgets that are now saturating the breastfeeding market. Heck, there barely was a market back then.

Now there is an expectation that in order to breastfeed, you are supposed to have literal gallons of breastmilk neatly stored away in your freezer.

This trend started when consumer electric pumps became more affordable, available and, eventually, covered by insurance. Coupled with the lack of maternity leave in the U.S. (don’t even get me started about that), which requires new parents to head back to work just weeks after giving birth, the pumping culture took off. 

What started as a symbol of freedom - the mighty breastpump and the wonder bottle🦸🏻‍♀️- eventually became just another yoke around the necks of new parents. Having bags of breast milk in the freezer means that the lactating parent is no longer responsible for feeding the child all day and night, and on the surface that feels like freedom. 

That new electric pump may have been “free” with insurance, but the bottles, nipples, flanges, flange inserts, replacement parts, pumping spray, pump wipes, wet bags, and freezer bags are not.(Yes, some insurance companies will reimburse for eligible supplies, but not all.)

Of course, there is all the unpaid labor of not only pumping, but also cleaning parts, storing milk, preparing bottles for the next day, and feeding the baby the milk. This is the tradeoff for the freedom of not having to always nurse the baby. The reality for families these days - if a parent is lactating - is that there are probably many hours being spent doing all the work it takes to support pumping.

Somewhere along the way, large amounts of pumped breast milk became a status symbol in the breastfeeding world. All of a sudden, we were seeing photos on social media of deep freezers filled to the brim with breast milk.

I started to worry about the expectant and new parents who were seeing these photos and what they would now believe about breastfeeding. It was beginning to feel like in order to breastfeed, you had to have a variety of pumps (a wearable for when you are on the go, a workhorse tabletop pump and a silicone suction pump because why not?!), lots of freezer space, and the time to wash and store all of that milk.   

But the reality is that most lactating parents do not naturally make large amounts of extra milk. THIS IS NORMAL. Our bodies are smart, y’all. Lactation is VERY energy-intensive, and typically our bodies will make just enough to feed the baby so as not to tax the body more than necessary.

So, when new parents discover that they’re not making anywhere near the amount of milk that these other parents on Instagram appear to be making, the comparison game starts. You can see where this all leads - insecurity, anxiety and doubt start to creep in. Worrying about “not making enough milk” is one of the main reasons that people stop breastfeeding earlier than they planned.

The reality of these mind-boggling freezer stashes is that these parents are overproducers. They are feeding a baby AND a freezer. Often, these parents have to look for ways to donate their milk because they can’t use it all before it expires. In a way, this is great since there are people who are underproducers and milk banks need milk to send to hospitals - but it does require the work of getting this milk to another person or a milk bank. And sometimes the milk just has to be thrown away.

There are other issues with being an overproducer. First, you have to keep up with removing all that milk. If not, engorgement will set in, which is uncomfortable and puts you at risk for blebs, clogged ducts and mastitis. Keeping up with it means pumping around the clock, even if your baby is sleeping for longer stretches at night. 

In addition to disrupting sleep, the whole day needs to be planned around pumping. If you need to pump, store milk and clean parts every 3 hours or so, coordinating a trip to the park or running errands becomes limited by the pumping schedule. Do you bring your pump and cooler with you, or make sure you’re home in time to pump again? All this while managing a baby who needs to be fed, changed, carried, soothed and entertained. 

Many parents who pump large amounts tell me that it takes up so much time that they feel it impacts the amount and quality of time they spend with their children.

For the baby of an overproducer, things can get dicey as well. When these babies are nursing, the flow of milk can be very strong, leading to coughing and sputtering during a feed, which leads to more swallowing of air, and general unhappiness. These babies tend to get a bit more of the so-called foremilk (this is the milk that comes at the beginning of a feed, before the fattier milk has started to release from the lobules) leading to GI symptoms like explosive poops and extra gas. 

This is all to say, like most of what we see on social media, the reality behind those posts is not as rosy as it would seem.

I am not saying that people should stop pumping. Many lactating parents have to pump for a variety of reasons; a baby that cannot effectively latch, separation from a baby, needing to increase a low milk production, or simply a preference to feed with bottles. 

However, some parents don’t need or want to pump, and I want them to be supported in letting go of the belief that we have to pump.

If you are pumping, I am asking you to create a more realistic relationship with your freezer stash. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Stop watching those YouTubers who are over-suppliers - nothing good will come from that.

This is a typical YouTube video or blog post title that new parents will come across: “Building a freezer stash on maternity leave: How I saved 400oz of milk in just 1 month!” 😳

The pressure on birthing parents to “bounce back” as soon as they birth a baby is intense - now we also need to freeze 400oz of milk while on maternity leave?!

If you are heading back to work, consider 2 days worth of frozen milk to be a normal amount to have in the freezer. This works just fine, because guess what, you’re still lactating. While you’re away from your baby, you will collect approximately the same amount of milk that they drank that day. 

I know that the idea of only a few days worth of breast milk creates anxiety for a lot of people. What if they can’t keep up with pumping while away from the baby? What if something tragic happens like milk gets spilled? I get it. Each person ultimately has to decide what is reasonable for them - whether that is 1 day, 2 days or 1 week worth of milk. But I recommend moving away from the idea that we NEED a huge freezer stash, which is going to create a ton of work and keep you from living your life. 

If you run into problems with pumping at work, that would be a great time to reach out to a lactation consultant who can help you trouble shoot.

Let’s adjust our expectations and get closer to the biological norm, which is when your body makes pretty much just enough for your baby.

Let’s normalize collecting ½ oz when you pump after breastfeeding. 

Let’s normalize collecting 2-3oz when you pump to replace a breastfeed. Just because the bottle can hold 6oz, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to fill it.

Let’s work on letting go of that dream of 6+ months worth of milk in the freezer. 

Let’s definitely stop comparing what’s in our freezers.

Because your worth as a parent is not measured in ounces of breastmilk, and you deserve to live with less stress and more joy.